I got the idea for this entry a few months ago. Then, after two weeks spent in Argentina, we decided to go to Iguazú in order to see the most incredible waterfall in the world. It’s been a while since I experienced something like this. Walking into a wall of water, losing breath for a moment with huge drops hitting me from all directions and quickly making me soaking wet. It was the first time for a while when I felt something extraordinary. What’s more, I can do it since my child that’s just a few months old is with me and doesn’t mind it.
Well, lately I realised that as a mother, I got more sentimental than before and this might had something to do with the emotions I felt back then. I also remembered what I thought about children before. I didn’t want to have children for quite a while because I thought they are just an obstacle. They cry, get colic, don’t let you sleep and prevent you from doing what you really want to do, from having full decisiveness over your actions, make you give up on the sense of independence (which was always very strong in my case) and low but still present level of egoism let alone personal or professional development which I always cared about so much. Also, I had the feeling that after pregnancy it’s impossible to restore your body to its former shape and generally you must be out of your mind to get yourself into a life of sleepiness, unhappiness, ugliness and tiredness.
That’s how it was.
It’s funny that I also didn’t want a husband because I thought that all these formalities will only make my life more difficult. You have to adjust to somebody, take his opinion into account, give up on your freedom and the joy of life. I mean, informal relationships are so much better. Some basic rules are important, but let’s keep it informal, OK?
That’s how it was.
It’s funny that I have friends who remember those times really good and from time to time remind me of some of my old statements. Just for fun. Usually comparing it current situation which makes us laugh really hard.
My revolution started over 5 years ago and had a lot to do with meeting Kuba. I think that there’s a lot of truth in the trivial saying that as soon as you meet the right person you suddenly want things you never wanted before and it all seems so natural. At least that’s how I felt.
When we met, we quickly decided we want to have children. We planned it on our third meeting. Which means that we knew we want to have children before we knew each other better, before we travelled all over the world, lived some life together, planned a wedding date etc. :) We can divide our lives into time before the wedding and after it. Not because something changed then but because it coincides with the start of our blog. We set up the blog a dozen or so days after getting married which makes it almost 3.5 years old. Our trips were different before, there was plenty of them – the blog changed the situation a little bit but that’s something worth a separate entry.
But I have to admit that even though at some point I decided I want to have children, I never got crazy about them, they didn’t mean anything special to me, I did not develop maternal instinct etc. I negotiated the time for pregnancy as long as possible because I always thought that I have time for it. Even in 5 years time…. There will still be time. However, together with Kuba w decided to stick to the magical 30. And that’s how it went. Two months before my 31st birthday Amelia entered our lives. We didn’t really know what to feel about our new life except for the great love for her. We weren’t afraid that our world will fall apart and now everything will be worse. I mean, everything changed, but it was still cool. We had to get used to the new situation and make sure we’re in control. I guess we worked it out in 3 weeks. Then we thought that it would be great to take Amelia to the mountains for the first time. We took our 1 month old daughter with us, spent a few hours on the train, going skiing to Bielsko-Biała and she didn’t mind at all. She slept. Last year there was no winter and the temperature in the mountains was 8 degrees with no snow at all. But we still spent this time together, us three. She already showed us then that a new place does not mean she needs to change her normal day cycle. In fact, it’s hard to disturb it. We were very proud of her.
When she showed me that moving around and not staying at home all the time is not a problem, we spread around Poland and visited plenty of spots for ‘Poland by drone’. In the meantime we had some quick European trips and did financial and logistic preparations for September – for our trip to Argentina. Amelia had no problems with short flights – tit, play, see the plane, sleep. We were curious how she will take a long flight that was to last more than 13 hours. Once again, Amelia proved that she can fall asleep anytime and anywhere, even on my and Kuba’s laps and sleep for 10 hours.
Until then, I always felt that what we’re doing in our lives is normal. We’re doing what we want to, Amelia is our child and so she’s doing it with us. It was different in South America. There, I realised for the first time that we’re lucky bastards. We have a perfect child who lets us do anything we want to. Problemless from the very beginning, healthy, open, sleeping well anywhere and quickly adjusting to new situations. The first time I thought about it was next to this waterfall in Iguazú which is huge and amazing. Then I thought – I can be in Argentina, stand inside the waterfall and the child does not make it any more difficult. If someone had told me before that I will be doing such things with an 8 month old toddler, I wouldn’t have believed him.
And I didn’t even get to driving through Ruta 40, arriving at the world’s end and making 13 000 km in two months being the only driver yet. When I saw the first pole with ‘0’ on it I remembered looking at these poles as I drove and wondering how much is left before me. I was also happy as hell and a little bit touched at the same time. I would be satisfied even if I had done it without the child but it turned not to be much different with Amelia. Even though she hated driving before, here she got used to it after two days and the car became her favourite living space where she ate, played, admired the views and had 3-4 naps a day. Yeah, she loved sleeping in the car.
And I had doubts until the very end. Will I make it with little Amelia sitting in her car seat in the back of the car. I was sure she would want something from me all the time – a tit, a hug or to play with her. We organised our trip to have time for all of these and the reality turned out to be much more gracious than we thought it will be. If somebody told me that it’s going to look like this a few year ago, I would have laughed.
I never even dreamed about it since I didn’t know you can have such dreams. Now I know and I’m so happy about it. I hope it will stay like this forever. This world’s end became a symbol for us. Now, after arriving there all three of us, we feel like we can do anything.